7/03/2013

If it doesn't Challenge you, It won't change You.

Some of you, you probably heard me talking about going to Arizona (for the 2013 Heritage Makers Conference) and… then changing my mind and not going anymore –
And now… I’m going again! J

I’ve been battling myself for quite some time now and have formally made a decision - I’m going to Arizona!!

The below isn’t so much an explanation for anyone but more of a journaling note of my inner-thoughts for me (and since you are such wonderful people who [I know] enjoy learning, I am sharing with you for Personal Development purposes).

My battle was all internal (emotions of guilt, negative self-talk, feeling of lack, fear of unknown) – and yesterday I had an ah-ha moment! of – Girl you gotta do it! 
I read about it, I talk about it and now is my turn to do it.

I made a decision to make the formal decision yesterday and to stop looking back and thinking about it.
I was completely frustrated and confused – and “had” decided that I wasn’t going and I made the call to tell my rep.
Internally I was upset about it – emotion – however my logic was telling me that this was “for the better good” and that I’ll get over it.

…which really didn’t help me – but obviously confirmed my frustration of indecision.

Why was I so indecisive? Had I really made a decision and …was it the right one?
Why hadn’t I cancelled anything? Why am I battling this decision?

I told my rep I was feeling really confused and frustrated and I shouldn’t be feeling like this – making a decision to go should be easy!
She agreed and that was that! I wasn’t going…

But then she started talking about ‘stuff’ and I got all frustrated again – about going and figured out that this was because I was going against my inner-gut.
Everything in my “being” is telling me to go, I can see myself there, I can see myself benefiting from it, I feel good about it…
But my logic screams in my head: “really? Do you really think you should go? How selfish of you – taking up a whole week by yourself and spending money to boot!! There are so many other things you could do – as a family! Who do you think you are? If my spouse wanted to do this, how would you feel – would you just let him go?! I don’t think so!...” blah blah blah…

So I am sick to my stomach excited – and am stepping out of my ego and fears and inflicting Change with Love!

My message (light bulb moment) from up-above is ask for help and allow myself to receive it.
I LOVE helping others and can GIVE unconditionally but when my turn comes, there is where I hit a brick wall and voices get really loud (in my head).

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” ~ Matthew 7:7


I’ve lived this SEVERAL times in my lifetime – and so this is GOD knocking on my heart and telling me to “let go” and to just “believe”, again!

Ask, Believe and Receive – Let go of the “other” stuff and just allow the Universe to do its work and this is where Change / New Beginnings happen (internally)!

Today’s Message is for my inner-self:

1) Be impeccable with your word: I had originally said I was going – I have to stick to my “guns” and do what I say (listen to myself).
2) Don’t take anything personally: I was originally going with a local girlfriend however due to circumstances she’s no longer going and I can’t take “her” situation on.
3) Don’t make assumptions: Hello?! I live here!! I am letting go of the logic of this situation and am walking forward – into faith.
4) Always do your best: I have to give myself credit where credit is due – and know that I am doing my best (right in this moment).


These wonderful agreements are sourced from:   
Don Miguel Ruiz  http://www.miguelruiz.com/ 



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