The Rules For Being Human

1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period of this time around.

2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial and error: Experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works".

4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better than "here".
When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here".

7. Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

10 You will forget all this.

Chérie Carter-Scott

from Chicken Soup for the Soul

Loosing Sight of Joy

TEDxKC - Brené Brown - The Price of Invulnerability   (YouTube)

Brene Brown has a wonderful way of being able to Talk directly to your shame without having you want to crawl into a dark hole thinking you must be a terrible person. This segment of TedTalkxKC enabled Brown with the platform needed to discuss how unknowingly ...or knowingly... we numb ourselves to moments of potential joy due to possibilities of exposing ourselves to emotions of vulnerability. 


Why would I want to wait till that moment happens - that state of fear...when everything bad is happening to me and I can't do anything about it?
Isn't then already going to be too late? ...I'm consumed by fear and in a state of total weakness and everything around me seems unreachable and ...I fall apart.

Isn't it better to always be ready, ...anyways?
Why not just be ready - all the time.

...Because this [just staying ready] has you living in continuous fear of life.

"I don't want to ruin the moment by enjoying it cause as soon as I let me guards down, everything will fall apart...and I won't be ready."
" I can't not be ready. Are you crazy - everyone is depending on me to hold it all together. I don't have time to enjoy things... I'm just there to take care of things, to make sure they're all perfect."
"I enjoy moments... I just enjoy them after they're all done - cause then I know it went well. And I can reminisce on what happened."

Can you not spot the lacks in the above statements?
The lack of life;
the lack of living in the present moment (the now);
the lack of vulnerabilily; etc...

Brene presents a solution of choosing a gratitude-attitude.

Yes, life won't always be perfect - but living the ordinary is extraordinary!
Be grateful in the moment, every moment - because this is your moment, this is your life.

...don't waste time fearing what won't happen and then regretting that lost time.

Live the now and fill your your spirit with love, joy, happiness, and peace -
let go of the fear, guilt, anxieties and worries.

And then -if-, and ONLY if, something was to happen negatively...
...you'll be better prepared to deal with it.
 Because now you're able to retrieve [pull] from your spirit all the good energies gained while you are living in the moment - which is continuously providing you with the strength and courage to pull through anything and everything.

"Believe in yourself and there will come a day when others will have no choice but to believe with you." Oscar Wilde

THE COLD WITHIN

The following poem by an unknown source tells the sad take of what happens when people pre-judge one another.

Six humans trapped by happenstance, in bleak and bitter cold,
Each one possessed a stick of wood, or so the story's told.

Their dying fire in need of logs, the first man held his back,
For of the faces 'round the fire, he noticed one was black.

The next man looking 'cross the way saw one not of his chirch,
And couldn't bring himself to give the fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes, he gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use to warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned from the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man's face bespoke revenge as the fire passed from sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood was a chance to spite the white.

The last man of this forlorn group did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave was how he played the game.

Their logs held tight in death's still hand was proof of human sin, 
They didn't die from the cold without - they died from the cold within.

AUTHOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

FROM There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost ...I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

II 

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

III 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in. It's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It  is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

The Shaddow Effect Quiz

In this blog I'm sharing with you a quiz extracted from the book: The Shadow Effect
 


This book is a great resource in gaining an understanding of what The/Your "Shadow" is and what's its role in the Universe (our lives). All three authors are highly recommended (Deepak Chopra; Debbie Ford; Marianne Williamson); and gaining the advantage of  tasting their work in one-bundled book (The Shadow Effect) is priceless.

The quiz brings forward (to you) an awareness of how much influence the Shadow is taking precedence in your life; how much your life choices are being guided by the Shadow and more...

The Shadow Effect was also presented on Oprah with the added "Breakthrough Program" which lasted six-weeks!
The quiz is also available on the www.oprah.com site:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Quiz-The-Shadow-Effect

Learn more about the book and its authors and get access to an excerpt (Introduction) here:
http://www.theshadoweffect.com/custom/book.php

"We’re often afraid of looking at our shadow because we want to avoid the shame or embarrassment that comes along with admitting mistakes. We feel that if we take a deep look at ourselves, we’ll be too exposed. But the thing we should actually fear is not looking at it, for our denial of the shadow is exactly what fuels it. One day I looked at something in myself that I had been avoiding because it was too painful. Yet once I did, I had an unexpected surprise. Rather than self-hatred, I was flooded with compassion for myself because I realized the pain necessary to develop that coping mechanism to begin with." — Marianne Williamson

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It's only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are without any self-deception or illusion, tha a light will develop out of events by which the path to success may be recognized." I Ching

1. How long have you been working on the same issues, be they in the area of your career, health, intimate relationships, or finances?

A. Less than twelve months
B. One to three years
C. More than five years
D. More than ten years

2. In the past twelve monts, how many times have you misplaced something important, gotten a traffic ticket, had an accident, or destroyed somthing of value?

A: None
B. Once or twice
C. More than five times
D. More than ten times

3. How often do you feel phony, inauthentic, or find that it takes a hot of effort to get people to perceive you in a certain way?

A. All the time
B. Occasionally
C. Almost never
D. Never

4. If your firends, coworkers, and family members were interviewed, would they say that you complain...

A. Seldom to never
B. Maybe once a day
C. Freqeuntly
D. All the time

5. In the past twelve months, how many times have you said something or done something that you later regretted, whether immediately or over time?

A. None
B. Once or twice
C. More then five times
D. More than ten times

6. After you've achieved a personal goal - reasched your desired weight, paid off your credit cards, organized your home or office, etc. - which of the following emothions are you more likely to experience?

A. Relieved that you made it but wary that you may backslide into old behaviors
B. Entitled - you deserve a reward for all your hard work!
C. Inspired by your success and committed to keeping up the good work
D. Resentful that you had to work so hard in the first place

7. How often do you notice yourself feeling inadequate, not good enough, unloved, or unworthy?

A. All the time
B. Occasionally
C. Almost never
D. Never

8. On a scale of 1-10, how willing are you to speak your truth, even if it runs contrary to the opinions of others?

A. 8-10; I am very willing to speak my truth.
B. 5-7; Most of the time I am willing to speak my truth.
C. 3-5; I am occasionally willing to speak my truth.
D. 1-2; I am almost never willing to speak my truth.

9. What is the primary focus of your life right now?

A. Advancing your career, improving your health, building wealth, or deepening your relationships
B. Managing strained relationships or "putting out fires" at work and at home
C. Making measurable progress toward your goals over a reasonable period of time
D. Trying to avert or avoid immediate disaster in the area of your finances, relationships, health, or career

10. What percentage of the time can you count on yourself to keep your work and uphold your promises - whether to yourself or to another?

A. Less than 10%
B. Less than 25%
C. About 50%
D. Most of the time

11. How much time each day do you spend gossiping - whether talking about someone you know, reading tabloids, or watching gossip TV?

A. None
B. Less than one hour a day
C. More than one hour a day
D. More than three hours a day

12. Which of the following statements would you use to describe your life?

A. Most of the time, things work out failrly easily for me.
B. I have many talents and gifts, but do not use them to their fullest potential.
C. I am riddled by bad luck and find myself in one bad situation after another.
D. I have to work hard just to maintain the status quo.

13. How much time a day do you spend working toward your long-term goal?

A. None
B. Less than twenty minutes per day
C. An hour or more per day
D. You have no long-term goals

14. How frequently do you mistreated, misunderstood, or taken advantage of - in either your personal or professional life?

A. Every day
B. Frequently
C. Occasionally
D. Seldom to never

15. When asked to do something that you have no interest in doing, you are most likely to...

A. Say no with a clear conscience
B. Say no but feel guilty about it
C. Say yes but not follow through
D. Say yes, do it, but feel resentful about it

16. Imagine that your life is a house with many rooms - some you like, some you feel ashamed of. How many people do you allow to see all of your rooms?

A. Nobody
B. One significant person - a spouse, lover, best friend, parent, etc.
C. A small handful of people how me that well
D. There are many people in my life who know me that well

17. When you feel hurt by someone or something, what do you tend to do?

A. Keep it to yourself
B. Reflect, forgive, and move on
C. Confront the situation head-on
D. Talk aobu tit to everyone but the person involved

18. When you get an impulse or an idea about how to improve some aspect of your life, what do you do?

A. Ignore it completely
B. Take a few steps in the right direction but reately see the project though to the finish line
C. Tell yourself that "I'll get to it one of these days"
D. Create a support structure around yourself to ensure that you take action

19. The last time you found yourself with a block of unexpected free time, what did you do?

A. Sqandered it by catalog shopping, watching TV, or surfing the Internet
B. Used the opportunity to move forward on an important project
C. Relaxed and rejuvenated yourself by taking a nap, meditating, or reading
D. Your life is so hectic that you can't recall an occasion when you had an unexpected block of free time

20 . When you make a mistake, what are you most liekly to do?

A. Be gently with yourself and resolve to do things differently in the future
B. Put things in perspective by acknowleding yourself for what you did right
C. Fall into a downward spiral of self-criticism
D. Interpret your misstep as evidence that you are incompetent, and stop trying


CALCULATING YOUR SCORE:

Below, circle which answer you chose for each question.

Question 1:
A=1, B=3, C=5, D=8

Question 2:
A=1, B=3, C=5, D=8

Question 3:
A=5, B=3, C=1, D=0

Question 4:
A=0, B=1, C=3, D=5

Question 5:
A=0, B=1, C=3, D=5

Question 6:
A=0, B=5, C=0, D=3

Question 7:
A=5, B=3, C=1, D=0

Question 8:
A=0, B=1, C=3, D=5

Question 9:
A=0, B=3, C=0, D=5

Question 10:
A=8, B=5, C=3, D=1

Question 11:
A=0, B=3, C=5, D=8

Question 12:
A=0, B=3, C=5, D=3

Question 13:
A=5, B=3, C=0, D=5

Question 14:
A=5, B=3, C=1, D=0

Question 15:
A=0, B=3, C=3, D, 5

Question 16:
A=5, B=3, C=1, D=0

Question 17:
A=5, B=0, C=1, D=5

Question 18:
A=5, B=3, C=3, D=0

Question 19:
A=5, B=0, C=0, D=3

Question 20:
A=0, B=0, C=5, D=5

Total Score = _______________ (Calculate by adding up the answers you circled)

THE SHADOW EFFECT ASSESSMENT:

If you scored 3 -37 points: You are in the neutral zone, which means that you are free (for now) from amny of the internal beliefs and wounds that give rise to destructive bahaviors caused by your shadow. You have high self-esteem, your actions are closely aligned with your values, and you are most likely making great forward progress toward your long-term goals. Keep on loving and listening to yourself.

If you scored 38 - 75 points: You may not be experiencing the full weight and impact of the shadow at this moment, but you are likely expeding a lot of effort to repress and hide parts of yourself and your life that you do not like. The energy you are using to keep things from spinning out of control - whether at work, at home, or with your health and well-being - would be put to better use if it were directed toward acheiving your goals and desires.

If you scored 76 - 112 points: Either you spend a lot of time and energy trying to manage other people's opinions of you, ro you are deeply resigned about the conditions of your life. This is the shadow at work and it paralyzes you from taking corrective actions. If left unchecked, the internal chaos you are experiencing may lead you on a crash course for disaster. The good news, however, is that every act of self-sabotage presents an opportunity to awaken you to what is truly important. Open your heart, explore the shadow, and you'll begin to see how your deepest pain, when digested and understood, is designed to lead you to your greatest destiny.

Shadow work is the work of the heart warrior. If you're ready for more love, more peace, more satisfaction, and more success, visit us at www.TheShadowEffect.com.

Loving Yourself

I'm currently reading "The Healing Handbook, A Spiritual guide to healing yourself and others". I found this book while walking by Coles in our local mall. Anyways after purchasing the book, it sat on my bookshelf for months before I even attempted to pop-it open. This is my second try at reading it and it's not because the book isn't very good - cause it is. It's just it requires a lot discipline and 'time' to preform the required exercises. The book goes through various techniques of healing and meditation and so to properly submerge yourself to these exercises you need alone and quiet time. Not something that runs freely in my home, currently... but working on it! :-)

Anyways I wanted to expose a section of the book that prompted me internally to share with others:

Loving Yourself 

It may sound a rather odd phrase: loving yourself. It may also not sound very spiritual to you. Surely, if you love yourself, you are being selfish and indulgent. Is spirituality not all about giving to others and not concentrating on yourself? In fact, spirituality is all about loving yourself. Many would say until you learn to love yourself, you cannot heal either yourself or others. Loving yourself is also a very emotional issue for a lot of people. It is up to you to be gently with yourself during this chapter and work at the pace which feels right for you. If you become too emotional while doing some of the exercises, you can leave them until a later stage. On the other hand, you may find this area deeply rewarding and illuminating and it may help to clear blocks which you have created in your energies over the years. Clearing blockages does not have to be distressing or difficult. It can be uplifting and leave you feeling absolutely wonderful about yourself and others. 

Have you ever thought about what 'love' really means? Most people only consider the word when it is in relation to someone or something else. They think about it in terms of their relationship with a family member, for example, such as a parent or sibling. They start to question the meaning of love when they embark on an adult, usually sexual, relationship. But how often have you asked yourself what it means to love yourself? Let's look at some of the dictionary definitions of love - 'a deep affection... for someone', 'good will towards others', 'devotion for someone or something.' These seem to add fuel to the idea of love as fundamentally something which relates to others, not to yourself! No wonder so many people grow up believing that to love oneself is somehow unhealthy and narcissistic. 

So let's look at what loving yourself does not mean. It is not about only thinking of yourself all the time. It is not about ego and feeling you are the most important person alive. It is not about feeling superior or arrogant. It is not about spending endless hours in pursuit of what you enjoy without consideration to others. It is not about filling your life with material and financial riches. It is not about preening yourself in front of a mirror constantly. It is not about telling everyone you are a terrific person all the time, while a gnawing doubt eats away at your inside. It is not about pushing people away from you with the excuse that you need no one in your life because you are self-sufficient.  

All the above have nothing to do with loving yourself. Truly loving yourself is a simple unselfish act that comes from deep within. It takes the form of a deep, unshakable sense of knowing that you are perfect just as you are. This is not easy for everyone. It means accepting all those apparently unappealing qualities in yourself that everyone can find if they look hard enough. These can be mundane dislikes, such as being too thin/fat, tall/short, introvert/extrovert, old/young, lazy/over-ambitious, a doormat/too aggressive. The list is endless. Most of us have dissatisfactions about some part of ourselves. Can you honestly look at yourself and say that you accept absolutely everything about yourself, exactly as you are at this moment? Almost everyone finds that hard to do. Basically. loving yourself is about reaching the stage where you truly know that you are prefect as you are. 

It's also more than that. Loving yourself is about knowing your place within the larger scheme of life. This means knowing that the family you were born into or brought up in is the right one for you to have in your life, no matter what your childhood experience may have been. 

Loving yourself means knowing that you have a special, unique part to play in the evolution of life and that you are willing to take part in whatever unfolds for you. You even look forward to the experiences ahead of you, good and bad. In fact, there is no such thing as a 'bad' experience in life; that is only a label we attach to some event whose significance we do not understand; we will look at examples of this as we go along. 

It is only once we love ourselves at these levels that we can truly love others as well. Loving others means also accepting in them qualities we may not like. How many of your friends and family can you say that you love exactly as they are? If you had the choice to change certain qualities in others, would you like to be able to to do that? Very few of us can truly say we would not change a thing about another person. Loving yourself means knowing that everyone else is perfect at whatever stage they are at in their life. 

So let's list some of the benefits of loving yourself which will help clarify the importance of this act. you need to understand that loving yourself is an essential part of holistic health.
These benefits are that:

• You have great self-esteem, knowing you are worthy of every task you set out to accomplish.

• You find it easy to love others and to accept people as they are, because you have already accepted yourself completely as you are.

• You can accept setbacks in your own life and see them as part of a learning curve, rather than punishments for not being a good person.

• You do not rely on others for praise and encouragement because you have your own in-built sense of self-worth.

• You do not blame others for problems in life, because you take responsibility for everything that happens to you.

• You take joy in the accomplishments of others, without envy or resentment.

• You know that everything you do is worthwhile and has a purpose.

• You love all of life.

All the above states are difficult to achieve if you do not love yourself. It is the single, most powerful starting point for all spiritual healing. Loving yourself will render all of the above conditions possible for you. 

Is loving yourself beginning to sound rather daunting? In fact, this is a journey that lasts right through our life. Loving yourself has endless possibilities, for how we view life and for what we put into and get out of it. Life can be as wonderful or as dreadful as you choose, and your attitude to it is relevant to your ability to love yourself.

Wow what a description. When I started thinking about it... I though, "Hummm... how do you really know if you love yourself, or if you are truly 'there'?" With Tara Ward's description, loving myself takes on a whole new concept. I could see myself in some of her bullet points and others where I still need to work on...

As I learn more from this book I hope to share further, until then, take care and continue to pursue the life you want to live by creating it yourself.

In the meantime here a little optimism in action:

Freedom - Acrostic Poem

In the Fall of 2010, I attended a conference where we built together, as a team, an acrostic poem with the word "Freedom"; and we had to use "Freedom" associated words for each of the letters.

Here is my representation, from what I can remember, of the Freedom-Acrostic Poem.

Click to view bigger version.

What does Freedom mean to you, and do you have other words and/or meaning for the letters presented?