I Left Him Walking In the Cold

Last night I drove my son to one of his Theatre auditions in town.

It was snowing enough and was pretty cold out. As I was pulling out of the parking lot and starting onto the Highway I saw a guy walking down the side of the road. This guy's name (at that very moment) slipped my mind - but I did know who he was...

This man lives in my neighbourhood, and has some mental issues.
His Story (from my grape-vines): He saved a kid's life years ago by pushing the child out of harms way - a bus was about to hit the child, and ended-up hitting this guy instead.
This guy's name is Claude - I remembered this morning when talking to my spouse about this.

Anyways... back to last night.
Here I am driving home in my comfy heated SUV truck, just dropped off my son for an extra-curricular activity so that he can participate in community events -and I see this mentally challenged guy walking. I sure as hell know he's walking all the way back home - cause he does this all the time (sometimes he takes the bus.) ...and a bunch of the bus drivers know him too - so sometimes when he's lucky they'll pick him up cause they know who he is (and know that sometimes he doesn't have money on him).

Again I digress, sorry...

What goes through my mind...
"ah I should pick this guy up and at least give him a ride to our area... But I'm a woman, and I'm by myself, and he doesn't really know me - and I can't even remember his name!" (...right now.)

So I keep driving... and then start giving myself "It's OK" excuses to make myself feel better, things like...
"Oh if someone else was with me, I would have done it."
"Oh gosh, If only I had remembered his name, then at least I could have called out to him and he would have though I knew him... and then it would have been ok..." blah blah blah...

But bottom line is: I did nothing.
The pit of my stomach knew it and - I knew it.

I felt bad and - and wondered why I "couldn't" bring myself to picking him up?
I was too scared... and to be frank, this was too much of a reality for me - it was too close to home (to my heart).

I hear stories from others (friends) of how Claude is really a nice guy and ...all the random nice acts they do for him, all this because they know him and know "why" he's this way - makes it easier for them.

So coming back to my actions, and why this is so close to "my home".
My father was in an accident and now has mental issues; so "Claude" for me is my "Dad".





For people who don't know my dad, and don't know his story - and so I preconceive that they might put a judgment upon him, simply because... well they don't know otherwise. Also when it comes to 'mental issues' this is a fairly sensitive topic since not everyone understands, or even want to understand what 'mental issues' are... and so in 'their' heads thousands of stories and beliefs are created = Fears.



"Life is a learning process. We are here to learn and to grow." ~ Louise L. Hay

So what does this all mean... well I don't know? I'm simply sharing my experience and my ah-ha! moment of discovery.

What discovery, you ask?

Well the one of my own internal beliefs and fears.
Obviously I my preconceived judgment about my own father are projected (for me) on to this man "Claude" without me even giving him a chance.
My own fears and separation from my father allows me to 'disconnect' from that reality and not deal-with-it; and so not picking up Claude was ...me doing the same. Disconnecting.
My self-comforting self-talk embedding in me "it's ok" pats on the back preventing me from stepping into that 'fear' and 'busting that bubble' aka 'belief' - breaking my belief and converting them into realities / facts.
Whom am I to say what's going to happen... well my head (beliefs that have been imprinted) tells me that ...blah blah blah... And that makes it real? That makes it... true?

What is wrong vs. What is right? - And Who am I to judge...


...and so my journey continues...

No One Is You-er Than You

We as humans signed-up for life.
We have a contract with the Universe that this is the life we wanted to live - yes, right here, right now - you are doing exactly what you were meant to do...

This journey / this adventure is a "learning" of life for whom?
For us, no one else - it's only going to "teach" us what we want out of it.
Everyone else has their own "learnings" to take out of it, and we can't go and learn things for other people...and then expect them to know it? No - they have to learn things themselves.

"If you love something, set it free - and if it comes back, it was meant to be." - unknown

I (personally) am experiencing this with my family. I have children...and am learning through the Universe that I can't change them, that they're not me, that they need to learn their own lessons, and that I have to let them go... for them to do this (learning); otherwise they become pretty useless depending entirely on me to make all of their decisions... thus really aren't 'whole' because they're living someone else's life / expectations... mine - and I 100% don't want that.

I've done what I could. I've taught them what I know. And now, they're on their road to life. I can only hope that my knowledge and sharing has equipped them with enough strenght to get through the hard times and that my love for them keeps them aware that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness but a sign of courage.

The Universe provided me the experience of having children and loving them unconditionally.
I chose this life because I wanted "these" children and we (together) wanted this experience.
This is "my" life. These are "my" lessons. This is "my" journey.
...just as for each of my children, they'll experience their individual "lessons" and their individual "journeys"... for each of their individual "lives".

I explain to them continuously that, yes there are times where I won't be treating them the "same".  There will be times where I said / did something to one and will completely do the opposite to another - and why? ...Because they're not the same.

Equality is important but more important is individuality.

If everyone was treated entirely equal - would we get the same results all the time? No. And why?
Because each and everyone of us is different -for example some of us think differently; were raised differently; have different beliefs, values and traditions; ...and the list goes on and on and on...

But how different can things be in the same house-hold?
...it can be quite different.

By the time my oldest turned 5 yrs. old; my lifestyle, my education level, my surroundings, and much more was entirely at a completely different level then when my youngest turned 5 yrs old. Which means my youngest's first five (5) years of life was entirely different then what my oldest experienced in her first five years. Also being the eldest or youngest of a family has its own 'journey'.

Other factors to take into account: generational differences; sex differences; mental capabilities; physical capabilities; coping capabilities; etc...
...and so yes - life can be quite different even if you were raised in the same house-hold.

Meaning: You are different - no matter what you think. You're not anyone else but you.
Which also means that "other people" are different also.
Even if 'other' people were to be treated the exact same way - everyone's outcome would be different.

"Be the Change you want to see in the world." - unknown

Be You.

The Rules For Being Human

1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period of this time around.

2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial and error: Experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works".

4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better than "here".
When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here".

7. Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

10 You will forget all this.

Chérie Carter-Scott

from Chicken Soup for the Soul

Loosing Sight of Joy

TEDxKC - Brené Brown - The Price of Invulnerability   (YouTube)

Brene Brown has a wonderful way of being able to Talk directly to your shame without having you want to crawl into a dark hole thinking you must be a terrible person. This segment of TedTalkxKC enabled Brown with the platform needed to discuss how unknowingly ...or knowingly... we numb ourselves to moments of potential joy due to possibilities of exposing ourselves to emotions of vulnerability. 


Why would I want to wait till that moment happens - that state of fear...when everything bad is happening to me and I can't do anything about it?
Isn't then already going to be too late? ...I'm consumed by fear and in a state of total weakness and everything around me seems unreachable and ...I fall apart.

Isn't it better to always be ready, ...anyways?
Why not just be ready - all the time.

...Because this [just staying ready] has you living in continuous fear of life.

"I don't want to ruin the moment by enjoying it cause as soon as I let me guards down, everything will fall apart...and I won't be ready."
" I can't not be ready. Are you crazy - everyone is depending on me to hold it all together. I don't have time to enjoy things... I'm just there to take care of things, to make sure they're all perfect."
"I enjoy moments... I just enjoy them after they're all done - cause then I know it went well. And I can reminisce on what happened."

Can you not spot the lacks in the above statements?
The lack of life;
the lack of living in the present moment (the now);
the lack of vulnerabilily; etc...

Brene presents a solution of choosing a gratitude-attitude.

Yes, life won't always be perfect - but living the ordinary is extraordinary!
Be grateful in the moment, every moment - because this is your moment, this is your life.

...don't waste time fearing what won't happen and then regretting that lost time.

Live the now and fill your your spirit with love, joy, happiness, and peace -
let go of the fear, guilt, anxieties and worries.

And then -if-, and ONLY if, something was to happen negatively...
...you'll be better prepared to deal with it.
 Because now you're able to retrieve [pull] from your spirit all the good energies gained while you are living in the moment - which is continuously providing you with the strength and courage to pull through anything and everything.

"Believe in yourself and there will come a day when others will have no choice but to believe with you." Oscar Wilde

THE COLD WITHIN

The following poem by an unknown source tells the sad take of what happens when people pre-judge one another.

Six humans trapped by happenstance, in bleak and bitter cold,
Each one possessed a stick of wood, or so the story's told.

Their dying fire in need of logs, the first man held his back,
For of the faces 'round the fire, he noticed one was black.

The next man looking 'cross the way saw one not of his chirch,
And couldn't bring himself to give the fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes, he gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use to warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned from the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man's face bespoke revenge as the fire passed from sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood was a chance to spite the white.

The last man of this forlorn group did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave was how he played the game.

Their logs held tight in death's still hand was proof of human sin, 
They didn't die from the cold without - they died from the cold within.

AUTHOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

FROM There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost ...I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

II 

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

III 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in. It's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It  is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

The Shaddow Effect Quiz

In this blog I'm sharing with you a quiz extracted from the book: The Shadow Effect
 


This book is a great resource in gaining an understanding of what The/Your "Shadow" is and what's its role in the Universe (our lives). All three authors are highly recommended (Deepak Chopra; Debbie Ford; Marianne Williamson); and gaining the advantage of  tasting their work in one-bundled book (The Shadow Effect) is priceless.

The quiz brings forward (to you) an awareness of how much influence the Shadow is taking precedence in your life; how much your life choices are being guided by the Shadow and more...

The Shadow Effect was also presented on Oprah with the added "Breakthrough Program" which lasted six-weeks!
The quiz is also available on the www.oprah.com site:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Quiz-The-Shadow-Effect

Learn more about the book and its authors and get access to an excerpt (Introduction) here:
http://www.theshadoweffect.com/custom/book.php

"We’re often afraid of looking at our shadow because we want to avoid the shame or embarrassment that comes along with admitting mistakes. We feel that if we take a deep look at ourselves, we’ll be too exposed. But the thing we should actually fear is not looking at it, for our denial of the shadow is exactly what fuels it. One day I looked at something in myself that I had been avoiding because it was too painful. Yet once I did, I had an unexpected surprise. Rather than self-hatred, I was flooded with compassion for myself because I realized the pain necessary to develop that coping mechanism to begin with." — Marianne Williamson

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It's only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are without any self-deception or illusion, tha a light will develop out of events by which the path to success may be recognized." I Ching

1. How long have you been working on the same issues, be they in the area of your career, health, intimate relationships, or finances?

A. Less than twelve months
B. One to three years
C. More than five years
D. More than ten years

2. In the past twelve monts, how many times have you misplaced something important, gotten a traffic ticket, had an accident, or destroyed somthing of value?

A: None
B. Once or twice
C. More than five times
D. More than ten times

3. How often do you feel phony, inauthentic, or find that it takes a hot of effort to get people to perceive you in a certain way?

A. All the time
B. Occasionally
C. Almost never
D. Never

4. If your firends, coworkers, and family members were interviewed, would they say that you complain...

A. Seldom to never
B. Maybe once a day
C. Freqeuntly
D. All the time

5. In the past twelve months, how many times have you said something or done something that you later regretted, whether immediately or over time?

A. None
B. Once or twice
C. More then five times
D. More than ten times

6. After you've achieved a personal goal - reasched your desired weight, paid off your credit cards, organized your home or office, etc. - which of the following emothions are you more likely to experience?

A. Relieved that you made it but wary that you may backslide into old behaviors
B. Entitled - you deserve a reward for all your hard work!
C. Inspired by your success and committed to keeping up the good work
D. Resentful that you had to work so hard in the first place

7. How often do you notice yourself feeling inadequate, not good enough, unloved, or unworthy?

A. All the time
B. Occasionally
C. Almost never
D. Never

8. On a scale of 1-10, how willing are you to speak your truth, even if it runs contrary to the opinions of others?

A. 8-10; I am very willing to speak my truth.
B. 5-7; Most of the time I am willing to speak my truth.
C. 3-5; I am occasionally willing to speak my truth.
D. 1-2; I am almost never willing to speak my truth.

9. What is the primary focus of your life right now?

A. Advancing your career, improving your health, building wealth, or deepening your relationships
B. Managing strained relationships or "putting out fires" at work and at home
C. Making measurable progress toward your goals over a reasonable period of time
D. Trying to avert or avoid immediate disaster in the area of your finances, relationships, health, or career

10. What percentage of the time can you count on yourself to keep your work and uphold your promises - whether to yourself or to another?

A. Less than 10%
B. Less than 25%
C. About 50%
D. Most of the time

11. How much time each day do you spend gossiping - whether talking about someone you know, reading tabloids, or watching gossip TV?

A. None
B. Less than one hour a day
C. More than one hour a day
D. More than three hours a day

12. Which of the following statements would you use to describe your life?

A. Most of the time, things work out failrly easily for me.
B. I have many talents and gifts, but do not use them to their fullest potential.
C. I am riddled by bad luck and find myself in one bad situation after another.
D. I have to work hard just to maintain the status quo.

13. How much time a day do you spend working toward your long-term goal?

A. None
B. Less than twenty minutes per day
C. An hour or more per day
D. You have no long-term goals

14. How frequently do you mistreated, misunderstood, or taken advantage of - in either your personal or professional life?

A. Every day
B. Frequently
C. Occasionally
D. Seldom to never

15. When asked to do something that you have no interest in doing, you are most likely to...

A. Say no with a clear conscience
B. Say no but feel guilty about it
C. Say yes but not follow through
D. Say yes, do it, but feel resentful about it

16. Imagine that your life is a house with many rooms - some you like, some you feel ashamed of. How many people do you allow to see all of your rooms?

A. Nobody
B. One significant person - a spouse, lover, best friend, parent, etc.
C. A small handful of people how me that well
D. There are many people in my life who know me that well

17. When you feel hurt by someone or something, what do you tend to do?

A. Keep it to yourself
B. Reflect, forgive, and move on
C. Confront the situation head-on
D. Talk aobu tit to everyone but the person involved

18. When you get an impulse or an idea about how to improve some aspect of your life, what do you do?

A. Ignore it completely
B. Take a few steps in the right direction but reately see the project though to the finish line
C. Tell yourself that "I'll get to it one of these days"
D. Create a support structure around yourself to ensure that you take action

19. The last time you found yourself with a block of unexpected free time, what did you do?

A. Sqandered it by catalog shopping, watching TV, or surfing the Internet
B. Used the opportunity to move forward on an important project
C. Relaxed and rejuvenated yourself by taking a nap, meditating, or reading
D. Your life is so hectic that you can't recall an occasion when you had an unexpected block of free time

20 . When you make a mistake, what are you most liekly to do?

A. Be gently with yourself and resolve to do things differently in the future
B. Put things in perspective by acknowleding yourself for what you did right
C. Fall into a downward spiral of self-criticism
D. Interpret your misstep as evidence that you are incompetent, and stop trying


CALCULATING YOUR SCORE:

Below, circle which answer you chose for each question.

Question 1:
A=1, B=3, C=5, D=8

Question 2:
A=1, B=3, C=5, D=8

Question 3:
A=5, B=3, C=1, D=0

Question 4:
A=0, B=1, C=3, D=5

Question 5:
A=0, B=1, C=3, D=5

Question 6:
A=0, B=5, C=0, D=3

Question 7:
A=5, B=3, C=1, D=0

Question 8:
A=0, B=1, C=3, D=5

Question 9:
A=0, B=3, C=0, D=5

Question 10:
A=8, B=5, C=3, D=1

Question 11:
A=0, B=3, C=5, D=8

Question 12:
A=0, B=3, C=5, D=3

Question 13:
A=5, B=3, C=0, D=5

Question 14:
A=5, B=3, C=1, D=0

Question 15:
A=0, B=3, C=3, D, 5

Question 16:
A=5, B=3, C=1, D=0

Question 17:
A=5, B=0, C=1, D=5

Question 18:
A=5, B=3, C=3, D=0

Question 19:
A=5, B=0, C=0, D=3

Question 20:
A=0, B=0, C=5, D=5

Total Score = _______________ (Calculate by adding up the answers you circled)

THE SHADOW EFFECT ASSESSMENT:

If you scored 3 -37 points: You are in the neutral zone, which means that you are free (for now) from amny of the internal beliefs and wounds that give rise to destructive bahaviors caused by your shadow. You have high self-esteem, your actions are closely aligned with your values, and you are most likely making great forward progress toward your long-term goals. Keep on loving and listening to yourself.

If you scored 38 - 75 points: You may not be experiencing the full weight and impact of the shadow at this moment, but you are likely expeding a lot of effort to repress and hide parts of yourself and your life that you do not like. The energy you are using to keep things from spinning out of control - whether at work, at home, or with your health and well-being - would be put to better use if it were directed toward acheiving your goals and desires.

If you scored 76 - 112 points: Either you spend a lot of time and energy trying to manage other people's opinions of you, ro you are deeply resigned about the conditions of your life. This is the shadow at work and it paralyzes you from taking corrective actions. If left unchecked, the internal chaos you are experiencing may lead you on a crash course for disaster. The good news, however, is that every act of self-sabotage presents an opportunity to awaken you to what is truly important. Open your heart, explore the shadow, and you'll begin to see how your deepest pain, when digested and understood, is designed to lead you to your greatest destiny.

Shadow work is the work of the heart warrior. If you're ready for more love, more peace, more satisfaction, and more success, visit us at www.TheShadowEffect.com.