Loving Yourself

I'm currently reading "The Healing Handbook, A Spiritual guide to healing yourself and others". I found this book while walking by Coles in our local mall. Anyways after purchasing the book, it sat on my bookshelf for months before I even attempted to pop-it open. This is my second try at reading it and it's not because the book isn't very good - cause it is. It's just it requires a lot discipline and 'time' to preform the required exercises. The book goes through various techniques of healing and meditation and so to properly submerge yourself to these exercises you need alone and quiet time. Not something that runs freely in my home, currently... but working on it! :-)

Anyways I wanted to expose a section of the book that prompted me internally to share with others:

Loving Yourself 

It may sound a rather odd phrase: loving yourself. It may also not sound very spiritual to you. Surely, if you love yourself, you are being selfish and indulgent. Is spirituality not all about giving to others and not concentrating on yourself? In fact, spirituality is all about loving yourself. Many would say until you learn to love yourself, you cannot heal either yourself or others. Loving yourself is also a very emotional issue for a lot of people. It is up to you to be gently with yourself during this chapter and work at the pace which feels right for you. If you become too emotional while doing some of the exercises, you can leave them until a later stage. On the other hand, you may find this area deeply rewarding and illuminating and it may help to clear blocks which you have created in your energies over the years. Clearing blockages does not have to be distressing or difficult. It can be uplifting and leave you feeling absolutely wonderful about yourself and others. 

Have you ever thought about what 'love' really means? Most people only consider the word when it is in relation to someone or something else. They think about it in terms of their relationship with a family member, for example, such as a parent or sibling. They start to question the meaning of love when they embark on an adult, usually sexual, relationship. But how often have you asked yourself what it means to love yourself? Let's look at some of the dictionary definitions of love - 'a deep affection... for someone', 'good will towards others', 'devotion for someone or something.' These seem to add fuel to the idea of love as fundamentally something which relates to others, not to yourself! No wonder so many people grow up believing that to love oneself is somehow unhealthy and narcissistic. 

So let's look at what loving yourself does not mean. It is not about only thinking of yourself all the time. It is not about ego and feeling you are the most important person alive. It is not about feeling superior or arrogant. It is not about spending endless hours in pursuit of what you enjoy without consideration to others. It is not about filling your life with material and financial riches. It is not about preening yourself in front of a mirror constantly. It is not about telling everyone you are a terrific person all the time, while a gnawing doubt eats away at your inside. It is not about pushing people away from you with the excuse that you need no one in your life because you are self-sufficient.  

All the above have nothing to do with loving yourself. Truly loving yourself is a simple unselfish act that comes from deep within. It takes the form of a deep, unshakable sense of knowing that you are perfect just as you are. This is not easy for everyone. It means accepting all those apparently unappealing qualities in yourself that everyone can find if they look hard enough. These can be mundane dislikes, such as being too thin/fat, tall/short, introvert/extrovert, old/young, lazy/over-ambitious, a doormat/too aggressive. The list is endless. Most of us have dissatisfactions about some part of ourselves. Can you honestly look at yourself and say that you accept absolutely everything about yourself, exactly as you are at this moment? Almost everyone finds that hard to do. Basically. loving yourself is about reaching the stage where you truly know that you are prefect as you are. 

It's also more than that. Loving yourself is about knowing your place within the larger scheme of life. This means knowing that the family you were born into or brought up in is the right one for you to have in your life, no matter what your childhood experience may have been. 

Loving yourself means knowing that you have a special, unique part to play in the evolution of life and that you are willing to take part in whatever unfolds for you. You even look forward to the experiences ahead of you, good and bad. In fact, there is no such thing as a 'bad' experience in life; that is only a label we attach to some event whose significance we do not understand; we will look at examples of this as we go along. 

It is only once we love ourselves at these levels that we can truly love others as well. Loving others means also accepting in them qualities we may not like. How many of your friends and family can you say that you love exactly as they are? If you had the choice to change certain qualities in others, would you like to be able to to do that? Very few of us can truly say we would not change a thing about another person. Loving yourself means knowing that everyone else is perfect at whatever stage they are at in their life. 

So let's list some of the benefits of loving yourself which will help clarify the importance of this act. you need to understand that loving yourself is an essential part of holistic health.
These benefits are that:

• You have great self-esteem, knowing you are worthy of every task you set out to accomplish.

• You find it easy to love others and to accept people as they are, because you have already accepted yourself completely as you are.

• You can accept setbacks in your own life and see them as part of a learning curve, rather than punishments for not being a good person.

• You do not rely on others for praise and encouragement because you have your own in-built sense of self-worth.

• You do not blame others for problems in life, because you take responsibility for everything that happens to you.

• You take joy in the accomplishments of others, without envy or resentment.

• You know that everything you do is worthwhile and has a purpose.

• You love all of life.

All the above states are difficult to achieve if you do not love yourself. It is the single, most powerful starting point for all spiritual healing. Loving yourself will render all of the above conditions possible for you. 

Is loving yourself beginning to sound rather daunting? In fact, this is a journey that lasts right through our life. Loving yourself has endless possibilities, for how we view life and for what we put into and get out of it. Life can be as wonderful or as dreadful as you choose, and your attitude to it is relevant to your ability to love yourself.

Wow what a description. When I started thinking about it... I though, "Hummm... how do you really know if you love yourself, or if you are truly 'there'?" With Tara Ward's description, loving myself takes on a whole new concept. I could see myself in some of her bullet points and others where I still need to work on...

As I learn more from this book I hope to share further, until then, take care and continue to pursue the life you want to live by creating it yourself.

In the meantime here a little optimism in action:

Freedom - Acrostic Poem

In the Fall of 2010, I attended a conference where we built together, as a team, an acrostic poem with the word "Freedom"; and we had to use "Freedom" associated words for each of the letters.

Here is my representation, from what I can remember, of the Freedom-Acrostic Poem.

Click to view bigger version.

What does Freedom mean to you, and do you have other words and/or meaning for the letters presented?

The Anger Game (Poem)

Woke up one morning and had these words come out on to paper. They were like dream words that I just needed to put down. ...not saying that it all makes sense - but whatever sometimes, things just come out the way they do for one-reason-or-another? Either way, here they are...

The Anger Game

by Tammy Mathieu

Walking robots

Stalking one another

Trying to out-beat each other

Aiming for the same piece of pie

When one wins

Cause that's how it is

The other just crawls away 

And deep down inside dies

Why - Why must we shallow

To run the same race

The same face, same pace

Are we not - no

No - is a complete sentence

That no one chooses to acknowledge

For fear that well just for fear

Fear is our power

Everything is based on fear

Instead of love

We say we're doing it out of love

But really, truly, look inside and fear is what you'll find

Unleash and let go

Of all that you control

For as long as you keep holding

Your pain will continue and theirs will too

You know who / what I'm talking about 

The fear of loosing the fear of choosing

The fear of not knowing

The fear that consumes you

The fear that controls you

You live it

You feel it

You protect it

You are it... that's the fear

Yup, that's the one

So now what?

Now that you know it's there

That feeling of dispear

...now what, I'm scared

You embrace it

Acknowledge it

Breathe it and then... let it go!

...Release... and return to LOVE

Everyone is scared

That's what we've been taught

That's all we know

That's how we "roll"

Lock your doors

Lock your drawers

Lock your souls

For you life, your love, your happiness needs to hide

Forever behind those doors

Where it's safe, or in the safe...

If your happy there's something wrong

It's not fair

You're not allowed

Who gave your permission

To be so priviledged

The drama, the cries

The stories, the lies

Who, but who would 

Allow you to go there?

Who, but who can allow you

How dare you

Not be the same

How dare you 

You not play the "game"

 It's anger that's who

It's anger at you

Aren't you not just a person

A person of earth

Aren't you not just a person

A person of hurt

How dare you forgive

And go beyond

How can you live

And love this world...

This world that gives you

Water to drink and air to breath

Soil to walk on and things to eat

How dare you be grateful

And learn to let go and allow things

How dare you, How dare you... to flow

How dare you, be without me.

Is Social Media Ruining Students?

Here's an interesting read / learning from OnlineEducation.net:


Via: OnlineEducation.net

Stop, Challenge, and Choose.

Personal Development and exploration always fascinates me - I love learning how my personality,my upbringing, my habits, my beliefs, my assumptions... all of it work together. These synergies all interconnected make me who I am today, right now.

As each moment passes by, I'm absorbing new things - however my mind only keeps what it "believes" I want it to keep; Thus choosing to live conscientiously is initially a challenge since you have to "be awake" continuously to your mind's activity... you have to tell it "yes" or "no" to what's going on around you.

For example - You drive (or ride) to work, typically the same way everyday.

Since you've driven this route, probably hundreds of times, your mind doesn't really pay attention to its 'surroundings' all that much (unless of course there's something completely new or out of the norm). 

You're on autopilot. 

I'm not saying that you're not paying attention to the road per-say - just saying that you might not be noticing as much of what's going on around you. Your brain probably is going to take this time to have you think about what to make for supper; did you lock the door when you left; do you have to pick up anything on your way back home; did you remember to bring your lunch; etc...

Choosing to live 'awake' forces you during 'these' moments to 'come back to reality'. 

Force yourself to not go into autopilot-mode and to live 'in the now'.

Take a look around you and give appreciation to everything...

Be thankful that your alive.

Be thankful that you have a job.

Be thankful that you have a way to get to work.

Be thankful of what you have.

Be thankful that you're able to see, hear, taste and speak.

Be thankful that you're conscientious enough to be grateful for this moment.

We live in a world that's so fast-pace and perfection-oriented. We want everything yesterday and we want the latest and greatest in perfect condition and it better-be better then my neighbours'! 

...all this and for what? Who are we trying to "beat", who we trying to please?

Choosing to live a simpler life, acknowledging your current state and be grateful for each passing moment is the greatest success of life. You are where you are supposed to be, right now; doing exactly what you are meant to be doing, right now. This is where you'll learn what you need to know, right now.

Each moment is a new moment. It's a new time. It's a new experience. 

You can make each of these moments new, again - as long as you stay 'awake' to each and every moment granted to you. I'm not saying this is easy - I'm saying that this is your challenge. 

“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy – I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.” – Art Willams

Choosing to make each moment YOUR moment; by not allowing your mind to rob you of them and set you on autopilot, will have you gain a whole new perspective of time, of life. 

When you sit on your couch in the evening and feel like you've accomplished nothing - start jotting down your daily activities and you'll come to realize that you did accomplish a lot. 

Gain new appreciations for your moments by allowing yourself the time to be grateful for them. 

Saying "Thank You" repeatedly out loud tells your brain that, "This IS ok - I am allowed to enjoy this moment and not have to think about what needs to get done..."

How can you enjoy moments, this moment, if you don't 'give' yourself permission to enjoy them?

Where is this guilt coming from? Why am I not allowed to do nothing, to think about nothing...

Does this mean I'm unworthy? I'm a slacker? I don't deserve this time and if I take it, it'll be time wasted...

Who is that voice? 

In the book Play to Win! by Larry Wilson & Hersch Wilson - 

Play to Win!

Larry Wilson, Hers...

the authors explains:

"...Stop, Challenge, and Choose is the fundamental skill to use to stay on plan. When you do not feel positive (or at least neutral) about where you are going or you are being pulled backwards, stop and ask yourself: Is this choice, is this feeling, helping me or hurting me in my pursuit toward a goal or action plan? Challenge your irrational thinking. Choose to stay on course.

Persistence is no doubt one of the most valuable attributes in making progress toward a goal. Stop, Challenge, and Choose is a tool of persistence. It is best used to intervene as we lose focus on our plan or to help us assure that one of the eighty-three problems doesn't become a barrier that is impossible to cross.

A Strategy to change. The powerful incantation "I choose". A commitment to do whatever it takes. Under the laws of life in our universe, this is how we create the highest probability of creating the results we want. It might be difficult, but it is rarely impossible. Don't let difficulty stop you, because it is from doing difficult things that we truly grow. It is from doing difficult things that we call out our ability to play to win." 

Stop, Challenge and Choose.

Stop listening to your autopilot 'voice'. That voice is your sub-conscience mind bringing forward to you past "files" that it thinks you should believe / listen to. These "files" are things that you've always done; things that have happened around you that you've come to accept; things that you (believe / feel / think) are right (or used to be right?); etc... all of these "files" are stored somewhere and come out when opportunities present themselves. 

So when you're taking a shower you have a preference as to how you like to wash your hair - this had to have come from somewhere, right? 

When you go to bed you might have a routine or preferred side or something - again this had to have come from somewhere...

All of these 'patterns' are your mind's way of confirming it's "files". When you keep doing the same things you are programming your mind in believing what you are doing is right. So that's where / when you do something different, out of pattern, your entire being "feels wrong" - this is because you're not following your mind's pattern of 'rights'. It may or may not be right or wrong but just because it's out of the ordinary, it just feels wrong. 

Habits / Patterns aren't necessarily good or bad - they're just ways for us to do things 'quicker' and/or provide us with some type of 'comfort' (a known way). "Just fits me". "Just feels right." "Just because." "I can't change." "I'm too scared."

Choosing to live 'awake' has you awaken each of these habits/pattern moments and ask yourself:

Why am I doing this? 

Do I really need to do this (this way)? 

Is this the only way?

What would happen if I changed this?

This is called: Stop.

You've stopped your autopilot-mode and have chosen to re-evaluate your mind "file" in regards to this particular habit/pattern. Is this "file" in my mind, right or wrong? Do I want to change it?

Several of these questions and "habit" shifting techniques are examined in Dr. Wayne Dyer's book Excuses Begone!

Excuses Begone!

Wayne Dyer

Now you are ready to work: Challenge.

Where does this "file" come from? 

Is it something I learnt? Does it even provide any value?

What is it that I think / feel about this habit / pattern?

Why do I think / feel this way about (it)?

Can I, Should I, be changing this way of thinking / feeling?

And then comes the next step: Choose.

Here you get to conscientiously choose what YOU want to "file" vs. having your mind auto-pickup what it "thinks/believes" you want it to record. And just like any other habit/pattern this will require some conscientious awakening and willpower since you are re-writing your brain's mental notes.

All-in-all countless studies and experiments have proven these basic strategies to work. 

You are in complete control of your life and CAN determine your outcomes, as long as you CHOOSE to "stay awake" to life's journey (every moment) and continuously challenge your choices.

Just because I choose to do something different today (now) doesn't mean that in 2 years from now it'll be the same right choice for me then... When I'm there (in the future) I'll know better what'll be best for me. 

If I choose to use-up my now time thinking about my future, then I'm NOT now living my now; I'm auto-piloting.

What good am I to my now surroundings if I'm too busy preparing for my tomorrow? 

I'm missing out on my now.

So how are YOU being reflected throughout the universe?

If I'm self-indulging for my future, what mentor-ship role am I providing to my surroundings?

...Could I be programming my children's minds to start auto-piloting?

"...Live life at a fast-pace and always try to be perfect.Continuously prepare for tomorrow cause today is too late - it's almost over.Don't bother with anyone or anything cause they're not worth it.Don't give back - and take whatever you can - cause you deserve everything, they owe you.Everyone owes you. No one understands and don't even bother trying to explain things to them - they won't t get it.."

Wow, isn't that a nasty message to add to your mental notes.

Is this what you truly believe to be true?

...I didn't think so -

Instead, how about we record in our minds:

"Live life now. Life is happening now.Look around you and say 'Thank You' for everything, for everyone....Be grateful for what you have and for who you are - right now, at this very moment.

Nothing will ever be perfect - because you are already perfect. You're as perfect as you need to be today, right now.

Observe what goes on around you, meanwhile in your mind, stay awake and conscientiously CHOOSE what to "keep" and what to "reject" - with regards to everything happening around you. Don't allow your mind to do this for you. Just make sure to record "what's right for you" in YOUR mind.[...cause whatever is happening COULD be RIGHT in someone else's mind (for them)...This is where you'll STOP, and ask yourself those questions - then Challenge your responses and finally CHOOSE which mental notes you wish to record in your "files". Take Control of your life.]

Decide to be the change you want to see in the world and take action on those changes. Don't just be, just because. 

You were important enough to be given life - and you made it until now...that's because you have a purpose, you are the purpose. 
Give back to life what it's given you - Love & Faith.Life loves you for who you are and has complete Faith in you - You can do this!"

Every morning when you wake up and need that little boost of inspiration - 

reach for this short poem by Emily Matthews, 

stand in front of a mirror and read out loud to yourself:

For a Special Friend

Lord bless my friend for all the things she takes the time to do,

The thoughtfulness she puts behind each act of kindness, too.

Bless her for the loving way she brightens many days

With caring and encouragement, and compliments and praise.

Bless her for her faith in me, her words that help me grow -

For being just the dearest friend I think I'll ever know.

~ Emily Matthews ~

Allow yourself to be loved, to feel love, and to love - Full Circle.

...and make sure to include the: love yourself in there too!
What goes around, comes around. Acceptance is key.

Myers-Briggs - What's Your Type?

Most people, at some point or another, reach a point where they're unsure as to what line-of-work / career path they should pursue. Now-a-days there are various tests, quizzes, heck probably blood-type indicators that will help direct you in some manner... either way choosing a line-of-work / career path isn't something you need to set in stone. Like most other activities (example: sports; fitness program; hobby classes; etc...) it's a "try it out and see if you like it" dabble - although with some career path requiring education first-hand, some of these 'dabbles' might be a little-costly if it turns out that this isn't something you 'see yourself doing' for an extended period of time... hence why a majority of individuals choose to attempt some form of 'testing' to see if their instincts are in-sync with some of the testing results.

And this is where the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment comes in to play.
According to Wikipedia:

"As the MBTI Manual states, the indicator "is designed to implement a theory; therefore the theory must be understood to understand the MBTI".
Fundamental to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is the theory of psychological type as originally developed by Carl Jung. Jung proposed the existence of two dichotomous pairs of cognitive functions:

• The "rational" (judging) functions: thinking and feeling

• The "irrational" (perceiving) functions: sensing and intuition

Jung went on to suggest that these functions are expressed in either an introverted or extraverted form. From Jung's original concepts, Briggs and Myers developed their own theory of psychological type, described below, on which the MBTI is based."

MBTI has a grouping of four opposite pairs, or dichotomies (as some call them), with each of these four groupings providing four dichotomies within each, thus resulting with 16 possible psychological types. Typically

Dichotomies 

Extraversion (E) - (I) Introversion 

   Sensing (S) - (N) Intuition 

Thinking (T) - (F) Feeling 

    Judgment (J) - (P) Perception

"Note that the terms used for each dichotomy have specific technical meanings relating to the MBTI which differ from their everyday usage. For example, people who prefer judgment over perception are not necessarily more judgmental or less perceptive. Nor does the MBTI instrument measure aptitude; it simply indicates for one preference over another.^[17]:3 Someone reporting a high score for extraversion over introversion cannot be correctly described as more extraverted: they simply have a clear preference." 

"According to Myers and Briggs, people use all four cognitive functions. However, one function is generally used in a more conscious and confident way. This dominant function is supported by the secondary (auxiliary) function, and to a lesser degree the tertiary function. The fourth and least conscious function is always the opposite of the dominant function. Myers called this inferior function the shadow.

The four functions operate in conjunction with the attitudes (extraversion and introversion). Each function is used in either an extraverted or introverted way. A person whose dominant function is extraverted intuition, for example, uses intuition very differently from someone whose dominant function is introverted intuition."

The Sixteen Types are as follows:
ISTJ
ISFJ
INFJ
INTJ
ISTP
ISFP
INFP
INTP
ESTP
ESFP
ENFP
ENTP
ESTJ
ESFJ
ENFJ
ENTJ

Variations on existing testing methods and/or enhancement to already existing testings are continuously popping-up and keep evolving.

To learn more about Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) visit Wikipedia's page of references:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator or visit The Myers & Briggs Foundation website:
http://www.myersbriggs.org/.

Here are some web-links where (it seems like) FREE testing is available - however it is always recommended that you seek the assistance of trained professionals when you are ready to pursue this testing seriously.
But in the meantime, if you're looking just for fun - try these out - they're not full-fledge 'real' testing but it'll give you an overall general idea of what you could expect:

Personality Pathways: Myers Briggs Code Cryptic
HumanMetrics: Jung Typology Test (1) | Jung Typology Test (2)
Team Technology: Myers Briggs Personality Type
Sonja Elen Kisa: Personality Test

What's Your Generational Scope?

I believe that in order for you to appreciate life you have to continuously keep learning/growing.

Learning about generational differences and how each generation sees things helps us understand one-another.



What generation are you?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_generations

Now these above links are simply examples of the generational groupings.

There are several other sites/references that categorize the years slightly different -

which one is right? Well which ever you see yourself in (describes you) then I would think you could categorize yourself within that generation title.

Questions that came to my mind are things like:

How does being from a different generation affect us/others?
Is being born in a different generation automatically make you think different?
Having parents of different generations; how does this affect your relationships?

Interesting Generation Articles:

Generation X: Stepping up to the Leadership Plate:
http://www.cio.com/article/28475/Generation_X_Stepping_Up_to_the_Leadership_Plate

Continued: Leadership and Generation X:
http://www.cio.com/article/103503/Leadership_and_Generation_X

Management Techniques for Bringing Out the Best in Generation Y:
http://www.cio.com/article/149053

What you need to know about mentoring the next Generation:
http://www.abanet.org/lpm/lpt/articles/mgt08044.html

The MySpace Generation:
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/05_50/b3963001.htm

What comes after Generation X?:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/05/AR2008070501599.html


What are your thoughts - do you have generation articles you wish to share?