How to Avoid Burnout

'Burnout' is a stress condition brought on by being involved in an intense situation for a long period of time, without adequate rest and recreation. Although most commonly thought of in relation to a job, burnout can also occur in other situations, such as when we are a primary caregiver to small children or a sick elderly person. It is often the result of feeling overworked and underappreciated.

You can learn how to avoid burnout by knowing your own limits, taking care of yourself and learning from the ideas and strategies of others in similar situations. 

Tips and Tools You Can Use

Learning to understand burnout can help you to avoid it. Try to know your own limits and develop coping strategies for periods when stress overload seems unavoidable. Here are some great tips to help you stay on top of things: 

Know your limits

• Learn to control a situation that has the potential for burnout by recognizing it at the outset.
• Certain jobs, such as air traffic control, are known for their high incidence of burnout.
• Jobs that involve caring for the very ill or which require a great number of overtime hours are also known to have high burnout rates.
• Some people thrive on stressful situations, but others sacrifice their own needs when they get involved.
• Try to know yourself well enough to avoid situations of potential burnout.
• Dealing with stress
• Coping with job stress
• Understanding balance

Taking care of yourself

• When you ignore your physical and emotional needs during a period of constant or severe stress, burnout may result.
• Good self-care includes eating nutritious, well-balanced meals at regular hours.
• Regular exercise is important. Try walking or jogging around the block at lunchtime.
• Try to ensure you have adequate and satisfying sleep.
• Regular rest and recreation will help to avoid burnout. Recognize that you are not doing anyone a favour by depriving yourself in these areas.
• If you are in a stressful situation and realize that one or more of your self-care habits has gone by the wayside, it might be time to take a look at what is causing the stress and take action to change it.

·         Balancing work, family and fun:

o   Healthy lifestyle Canada's Food Guide  (http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/english/lifestyles/food_nutr.html)

o   Canada's Physical Activity Guide  (http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hppb/paguide/) 

Talking with others

• Share your feelings with others in the same or a similar situation.
• Listen to what they say about the strategies they use to cope.
• Consider joining a support group for people in your situation. Eg. A support group for caregivers or for new mothers.
• Talk with someone from outside the situation who is objective and might also offer new ideas.
• Sometimes communicating with others about your own situation is a positive step away from stress and burnout towards greater health.
• If burnout is becoming severe and is affecting your ability to function properly, talk to your doctor or to a confidential EAP counsellor.
• Anxiety vs Stress

Anxiety Disorders Association of Manitoba (ADAM)

(http://www.adam.mb.ca/about.html)

Helpful Resources

Simple things you can do today to control stress

(http://stress.about.com/library/weekly/aa112600a.htm)

Your great balancing act - tools and advice

(http://www.chatelaine.com/article.jsp?page=health&cid=661127)

 For more information or to arrange an appointment

for confidential counselling, contact FGIworld,

your EAP/EFAP provider, (24 hours-a-day/7days-a-week) at:

1-800-268-5211 (English) 1-800-363-3872 (en français)

Pretty by Katie Makkai - Poetry Slam 2002

To my daughters and to all girls out there:

“Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer, “No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters.

The Priceless Truth - thank you Katie Makkai for being a VOICE and LIGHT shining Truth upon people living conformity (camouflaged in everyday influence). Thank you!

   
Katie Makkai, a veteran poetry slammer - defining the word "pretty".
National Poetry Slam 2002 [Team Denver, CO]

Transcript:

Pretty by Katie Makkai

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, “What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? What comes next? Oh right, will I be rich?” Which is almost pretty depending on where you shop. And the pretty question infects from conception, passing blood and breath into cells. The word hangs from our mothers' hearts in a shrill fluorescent floodlight of worry.

“Will I be wanted? Worthy? Pretty?” But puberty left me this funhouse mirror dryad: teeth set at science fiction angles, crooked nose, face donkey-long and pox-marked where the hormones went finger-painting. My poor mother.

“How could this happen? You'll have porcelain skin as soon as we can see a dermatologist. You sucked your thumb. That's why your teeth look like that! You were hit in the face with a Frisbee when you were 6. Otherwise your nose would have been just fine!

“Don't worry. We'll get it fixed!” She would say, grasping my face, twisting it this way and that, as if it were a cabbage she might buy.

But this is not about her. Not her fault. She, too, was raised to believe the greatest asset she could bestow upon her awkward little girl was a marketable facade. By 16, I was pickled with ointments, medications, peroxides. Teeth corralled into steel prongs. Laying in a hospital bed, face packed with gauze, cushioning the brand new nose the surgeon had carved.

Belly gorged on 2 pints of my blood I had swallowed under anesthesia, and every convulsive twist of my gut like my body screaming at me from the inside out, “What did you let them do to you!”

All the while this never-ending chorus droning on and on, like the IV needle dripping liquid beauty into my blood. “Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? Like my mother, unwrapping the gift wrap to reveal the bouquet of daughter her $10,000 bought her? Pretty? Pretty.”

And now, I have not seen my own face for 10 years. I have not seen my own face in 10 years, but this is not about me.

This is about the self-mutilating circus we have painted ourselves clowns in. About women who will prowl 30 stores in 6 malls to find the right cocktail dress, but haven't a clue where to find fulfillment or how wear joy, wandering through life shackled to a shopping bag, beneath those 2 pretty syllables.

About men wallowing on bar stools, drearily practicing attraction and everyone who will drift home tonight, crest-fallen because not enough strangers found you suitably fuckable.

This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer, “No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters.

“You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely 'pretty'.”

Adobe: What's the scoop and What do I need?

So what's the difference between Adobe Reader, Adobe Acrobat and Adobe Acrobat.com?
Watch and learn...


Video originates from: tv.adobe.com
Video Author: Rebecca Staley

How to Handle Your Debt Load

We live in a society where a credit card is considered as essential as a phone and where students learn to accumulate debt through student loans before they even start earning. Small wonder then, that so many of us end up drowning in debt. 

Understanding the cause of our debt accumulation is key to finding solutions and preventing a recurrence. Job loss or personal emergencies, for example, may not be preventable but building a savings 'pad' might make future situations more manageable. However, if the cause lies in compulsive spending, as it does for many people, understanding the habits and attitudes that lead to spending, will be key. Whatever the cause, you're taking a great first step in admitting that a problem exists. 

Tips and Tools You Can Use

Begin by listing all your debts to get a clear picture of your situation. Consider whether it's manageable through stringent budgeting and lifestyle changes or whether your debt load is so out of hand that outside assistance is vital. Remember that you don't have to go through this alone. There are many resources to help you. Here are some tips to get you started: 

Self-management

• Total your debt payments and draw up a budget to allow for them.
• Reduce your credit cards to one low-interest card. Keep it aside for emergencies.
• Consider whether you can use one low-interest card to pay off cards with higher rates.
• Reflect on the cause of your debt load and problem-solve to avoid future recurrences.

• If compulsive spending is at the root of your problems, consider outside counselling.
• Re-establish your credit rating

o   5 steps to credit repair (http://moneycentral.msn.com//articles/smartbuy/debt/1337.asp)

o   To obtain a copy of your credit report:

Equifax: 1-800-465-7166

Trans Union: 1-800-663-9980

o   To contact a licensed mortgage broker:  1-888-442-4625

·         Budget/Money Management

o   Household budget form

(http://www.ourfamilyplace.com/budget1.html)

o   How to budget

(http://www.bankrate.com/dotp/news/advice/20000511b.asp?keyword=)

Credit counselling services

• Offered by many non-profit organizations, some with United Way affiliation. A small fee may be charged.
• They will put together a repayment plan to help you repay debts over a period of time - usually 4 years.
• Clients make a monthly payment to the service, which then pays all creditors.
• Negotiation with creditors usually enables debt interest to be frozen.
• The service helps to prepare a budget.
• Your credit rating will be affected - it usually goes to an R7.

Consumer Proposals

• Administered by Bankruptcy Trustees.
• You will only pay a percentage of your debts, however secured debts will not be included.
• Repayments are based upon your income, dependents and debt load.
• Payments to the Trustee can last from three to five years and are made monthly.
• You must attend two budgeting workshops.
• Your credit rating is affected - it usually goes to an R7.

Bankruptcy

• Administered by Bankruptcy Trustees.
• The approximate cost to go bankrupt is $1600 to $1800. The charge usually works out to around $200 per month.
• Bankruptcy lasts from nine months to just over a year.
• A discharge is granted after the nine month period.
• You must attend two budgeting workshops.
• Your credit rating is affected - it goes to an R9.
• Bankruptcy - it isn't a four letter word.
• Office of the superintendent of Bankruptcy Canada (http://strategis.ic.gc.ca/SSG/br01035e.html)

Helpful Resources

Manage Debt Step by Step

(http://moneycentral.msn.com/articles/smartbuy/debt/contents.asp)

10 strategies to reduce your debt

(http://moneycentral.msn.com/articles/smartbuy/debt/1330.asp)

What Debt To Pay Off First

(http://www.bankrate.com/dotp/news/cc/19980713.asp)

Dealing with debt: from the Office of The Superintendent of Bankruptcy Canada

(http://strategis.ic.gc.ca/SSG/br01035e.html#Possiblesolutions)

Household budget form

(http://www.ourfamilyplace.com/budget1.html)

How to budget

(http://www.bankrate.com/dotp/news/advice/20000511b.asp?keyword=) 

 For more information or to arrange an appointment

for confidential counselling, contact FGIworld,

your EAP/EFAP provider, (24 hours-a-day/7days-a-week) at:

1-800-268-5211 (English)  1-800-363-3872 (en français)

Boosting Your Positive Outlook: Tips & Tricks

The following information received from a Positive Outlook / Stress Management session I attended a few years ago. The presenter and the information was provided by: Shepell FGI


Stress is not an event that "happens to us". Our beliefs and perceptions of events are more important than the actual events in determining our level of stress.

When "Stress" occurs (EVENT) how do I typically react (INTERPRETATION)?
Do I react with a state of: Stress | Neutral | Positive 

When we're in the "Stress Whirlpool" the cycle typically looks like this:

Crooked Thinking Habits

Many of us fall into the trap of 'Crooked Thinking'. This term refers to patterns of thought that increase our negativity, fears or worry levels, and as a result elevate our stress levels as well. Such patterns end up altering our view of ourselves and of the world around us.

It is important to note that all Crooked Thinking involves some form of distortion. A number of these distortions seem to be very common and are shared by many in Western society. The good news is that distorted thinking is simply a bad habit. And like any bad habit, one can eliminate or minimize the habit to a point where it  no longer is a problem. The first step is to understand what Crooked Thinking  actually is and what common distortions are present in most cases.

Here are some common forms of thought distortions. You can find more on these and other common thoughts distortions in any book written by Dr. David D. Burns.

Personalization: When we hold ourselves responsible for things over which we have little or no influence, or which have only a minimal connection to us, we are participating in personalization. For example, if a colleague is in a grumpy mood, it would be rational to ask ourselves, "What's going on that he's in such a bad mood?".
However, if we engage in the habit of personalizing, we ask, "What did I do?".
Two useful tools to break out of the crooked thinking pattern of personalization are:
(1) asking ourselves, "Does this realistically have anything to do with me?", and
(2) reminding ourselves of Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer:

Magnification or Minimization: This thinking habit occurs when the impact of an event, or our role in it is exaggerated. "Awfulizing" or "Catastrophizing" fall into this category. For example, if I'm having difficulty at work, but I tell myself that I am about to be fired, I am engaging in catastrophic thinking. To challenge this bad thinking habit, we need to ask ourselves, "What is an accurate, realistic description of my actions, or this event?" Talking about an event with others can be helpful, since they can often provide a third-party perspective to help us examine the situation rationally.

All-or-nothing thinking: This type of crooked thinking occurs when we think in absolute black or white terms, with no room for grays. I'm either perfect, or useless. Someone is either wonderful, or hopeless. The future is either heaven or hell. To move into a realistic framework, all-or-nothing thinkers need to look for middle ground where people and events are a mix of good and bad, positive and negative, helpful and unhelpful.

Mind Reading:  When we engage in mind reading, we assume that we know what others are thinking, or what they need or want - usually to our detriment. For instance, going to a party and thinking people are not talking to you because they know you've just gained five pounds is taking the "mind reading" distortion to an absurdity. When we are guilty of mind reading, we need to remember to gather data and information from other people not to assume that we know what they are thinking.

Discounting the Positives: This thinking error occurs when the negative aspects of an event are attended to and the positive aspects are ignored. The phrase, "Seeing the glass half empty" speaks to this particular thinking habit. To break this thinking habit, we need to see events in their entirety, not to focus only on the negative aspects.

"Should / Ought / Must" thinking: When we engage in should/ought/must thinking we habitually set perfectionistic or unrealistic standards for ourselves and others. Statements such as, "My children should be more obedient" or "My husband ought to be more thoughtful" suggest that the current status quo is inadequate, thereby creating stress. To break this habit, we need to become more accepting of "what is" and set standards that can be realistically met.

"Blame" thinking: Blaming others or oneself for events that have occurred, whether or not this assignment of blame is accurate, is a common thinking error. It is premised on the belief that if something has gone wrong, someone must be responsible for it. But this is not always the case, or accurate accountabilities may be complex and inter-related. To alter this thinking habit, we need to be willing to take the time to understand how events occurred, and not immediately point fingers at others.


Negative Thought Diamond

Thought Samplers:

• No one else seems to struggle the way I do.
• I just know we're destroying the ozone layer quicker than experts say, soon we'll have nothing left.
• Feeling like an outsider will always plague my life.
• My boss is making unreasonable demands.
• I'll never be able to get my life "together".
• No one loves me.
• The way things are today, kids don't have a future.
• The problem is so big, I won't be able to cope with it.
• She didn't really mean what she said, you can't trust anyone.
• No one ever helps me. They just don't care.
• I'm hopeless.

Steps for the "Daily Catch"

1. Recognize when you are participating in excessive negative thinking or experiencing excessive stress in your body.

2. Record the situation / events which triggered the negative thoughts or stress.

3. Record all Negative Thoughts that emerged (at least 4-6 thoughts).

4. Identify if these thoughts focus on self, other, future or the world.

5. For each Negative Thought, write down other, more reasonable response based on a clear, rational assessment of the facts (at least 3-4 responses for each negative thought).

Examples:

Triggering Event: My boss just called and asked about the progress of the last project he assigned.

Negative Thought: I should have had it done by now.
Focus of Negative Thought (Self, Others, World, Future): Self.
Reasonable Response: I have not done it by now, because there was no deadline on the project. | He told me other projects were priority right now. | I did complete significant pieces of it, so it'll be clear that I am dedicated and competent.

Negative Thought: He's so useless! He knows nothing at all about delegating!
Focus of Negative Thought (Self, Others, World, Future): Other
Reasonable Response: He asked about the "progress" - not if it's done.

Negative Thinking and Organizational Change: The Deadly Duo

Many of us experience "tough going" when we're surrounded by organizational change. A merger, a round of downsizing, changes in senior leadership - these all create enormous stress. Less extreme changes like getting a new IT system, or a new supervisor, count too! And most of us respond to these stressors by participating in negative thinking. When our means of earning a livelihood starts to shake, we react with fear. Thoughts such as "I'm going to loose my job", "I can't work with this new person" or "The end result of all these changes will be disaster" fill our minds and at times seem to swamp us.

So... if you're experiencing organizational change, take note! If a lot of people are impacted by the change, anticipate to see negativity in the work environment. But you don't have to be part of the problem. Use the Becoming Aware tool frequently to catch small negative thoughts as they pop up. Recognize the stress you're experiencing, and find ways to manage it that are more helpful than indulging in negative thinking. Maintain a proactive, flexible and patient attitude. Look for opportunities in the new changes. Be an exception to the rule, and react to workplace change positively. Decide to be part of the solution!

There's more than one way to...

When we get stuck in looking at an issue from only one perspective, our body reacts with by becoming stressed! Being able to see a situation from more than one perspective is a skill we can all develop to reduce our stress levels. In the book "Managing Your Mind", Butler and Hope offer the following list of questions to help us get better at seeing both the forest and the trees:

• What are the facts?
• Does my thinking fit the facts?
• Could I be making a mistake in how I'm thinking?
• Am I thinking straight?
• What other points of view are there?
• How would someone else (my partner, my boss, a friend...) think about this?
• What is the worst that can happen?
• What can I do if that worst case scenario happens?
• Who can help me with this situation?

And last but not least - probably the most important - the key to positive outlook and happiness is always GRATITUDE.

Keep a GRATITUDE journal always near by and ensure to update it daily!





Related Resources:

www.Mandalacoach.com

www.lifepositive.com

www.meditationsociety.com

 

Maintaining Friendship on a Busy Schedule

Young people often maintain many friendships, some of them close, as they go through school and college. As we get older, however, friendships often become casualties as we battle to find time for increasing family and work responsibilities. 

This can be a real loss since strong friendships take time to build and play an important role in our emotional wellbeing. Try to view friendships as one of the priorities in your life and seek opportunities to not only maintain these vital relationships but to nourish them and help them continue to grow. 

Tips and Tools You Can Use

Like most close relationships, friendships need a little work and planning to help them continue to thrive. Try to find time to occasionally review your relationships with friends and find ways to keep them strong and healthy. Here are some great tips to help you: 

Schedule time for friendships

• If you take friendships for granted, they will eventually fade.
• Mark friends’ birthdays in your calendar – plan ahead to celebrate together.
• Plan time in your schedule each week or month to get together with close friends.
• Mark the dates in your calendar and try hard to keep the time open.
• If you are forced to cancel, immediately re-schedule for another time.
• Be flexible with your friends – if they are forced to cancel, don’t take it personally.

Schedule activities together

• If you are always short of time, consider joining up for essential activities.
• Do the grocery shopping together or help each other clean house.
• Get together at the weekend for a giant cook-up session. Share quantities and split them into freezer portions.
• Jog or join the same fitness club.
• Schedule haircuts or other appointments for the same time.
• Take your children to the park or for swimming lessons together.
• If you work close by, commute together or meet for a quick coffee or juice before work.

Stay connected

• Send a quick email about a topic you’re both interested in.
• Phone when you have 5 minutes to spare.
• Leave a cheery message on the answering machine, just to say Hi.
• Send birthday cards and vacation postcards.

Plan special breaks

• Make it a tradition to go away for a weekend together, once a year.
• Plan ahead – half the fun is in the preparation!
• Rent video favourites from your teen years and take photo albums and school Year Books.
• If a weekend is out of the question, plan an indulgent day at a spa.

Be a friend in need

• If a crisis occurs, consider it a priority to be there for your friend.
• Avoid being judgmental - listen and make it clear that your support is always there.
• Offer practical help with the friend’s children or home.
• Let friends in crisis know that they can call on you at any time.
• Keep your word – you would expect no less from your friend if you were in crisis.

Helpful Resources 
Making friends
(http://www.counseling.caltech.edu/html/MakingFriends.html)
Maintaining friendships
(http://www.cyberparent.com/friendship/maintain.htm)

Your great balancing act – tools and advice
(http://www.chatelaine.com/article.jsp?page=health&cid=661127)

For more information or to arrange an appointment

for confidential counselling, contact FGIworld,

your EAP/EFAP provider, (24 hours-a-day/7days-a-week) at:

1-800-268-5211 (English)  1-800-363-3872 (en français)

Self-Assessment: Anxiety

Many of us are struggling to balance increasing workloads with added family pressures, such as financial issues and the care-giving needs of both children and ailing adult loved ones. The result can be an overload of stress which, for 25% of us, leads to anxiety disorders at some point during our lives. 

When stress begins to feel out of hand, it is time to assess whether you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. Given that this is one of the easiest mental conditions to treat, diagnosis is the first step towards recovery. Now could be the perfect day to begin. 

Tips and Tools You Can Use

Stress isn't an illness. It is merely mental or emotional tension and has a positive role to play in the release of adrenaline, which helps us face life's deadlines and challenges. However, if your reaction to stress becomes exaggerated or irrational, it is time to ask your doctor about anxiety disorders. Here are some tips to help you get started: 

Symptoms may include

• Chronic worrying, nervousness and heightened fears.
• Shaking, twitching or trembling.
• Hot flushes, sweating.
• Dizziness, light-headedness.
• Numbness or tingling.
• Breathlessness or a choking sensation.
• Racing heart, tight chest.
• Feelings of impending doom.
• Depression and insomnia.
• Sudden panic attacks which may involve trembling, shaking, racing heart, tight chest, breathlessness, a choking sensation and feelings of being out of control.
• Fear of panic attacks.
• Phobias, involving an irrational fear of certain objects or situations.
• Extreme fear of being humiliated or 'shown up' in front of others, resulting in difficulty speaking, writing or interacting in public.
• Continual and compulsive unwanted thoughts or ritual actions that cannot be controlled.
• Anxiety that is impacting on your life.
• Anxiety vs stress
• Panic Attacks

Some of the above symptoms may indicate other, more serious conditions. 

Please check with your doctor. 

Treatment

• A thorough physical examination to rule out any physical medical conditions.
• Cognitive Behaviour Therapy involves gaining understanding of thinking patterns, gradual exposure to and mastery of situations that have provoked anxiety, and various strategies-including breathing and relaxation techniques-to reduce unwanted reactions.

·         Medications  

o   Access to Health Canada medication related information (http://www.hc-c.gc.ca/english/product.htm)

o   Health Canada drug product database  (http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hpb-dgps/therapeut/htmleng/dpd.html

o   What's this pill for again?

(http://www.50Plus.com)

• A combination of medication and therapy
• Coping with anxiety

o   Simple things you can do to control stress (http://stress.about.com/library/weekly/aa112600a.htm)

• Supporting someone with anxiety

 

Helpful Resources

Self-assessment questionnaire

(http://www.anxieties.com/self.php)

Anxiety Disorders Association of Manitoba (ADAM)

(http://www.adam.mb.ca/about.html)

This article is not intended to replace professional consultation. Please see your doctor for all medical concerns.

For more information or to arrange an appointment

for confidential counselling, contact FGIworld,

your EAP/EFAP provider, (24 hours-a-day/7days-a-week) at:

1-800-268-5211 (English) 1-800-363-3872 (en français)

The Art of Execution: Passion to Action

Let's get down to business, and by business I mean: Gary Vaynerchuk


Youtube video of Gary Vaynerchuk via theARTof.com

Are you a hockey player playing soccer? And if so, are you the type to drop the stick and start dribbling or will step-out and go find a pond?

Wow, nothing like just getting right down to the point! Love it, thank you Gary!

Knowing WHO you are and WHAT drives you is indeed an important factor in life - that IS what life should be about; however like most of us know - it doesn't always workout that way. We live in a world where we build ourselves-up to become who we 'think' we should be and we end-up doing stuff we 'think' we should be doing... Yikes! All-this-while watching those who don't conform rise to the top!

Look at yourself in the mirror (as Gary explains), REALLY look at yourself and ... let's get honest here. If you can't be honest with yourself - and truly allow yourself "your" truth - then how do you expect it to ever become a reality.

Taking Time for You and Your Partner

As a parent you spend most of your time taking care of your children. But do you really do a great job of taking care of yourself, your partner or your relationship as a couple? If you have settled into a routine of sacrificing your time and energy to looking after your family and your career, you may be neglecting your own well-being and your relationship with your partner.

The whole family benefits when parents take care of themselves and one another. After all, a happy and healthy parent will have more patience and energy to give. If you’ve been focusing all of your time and energy on your family, try some of the following suggestions for activities for you and/or your partner:

Tips On How to Make Time For Yourself And Your Partner

• Curl up on the couch and read a book
• Soak in the tub
• Ride your bike
• Take a walk
• Play a musical instrument
• Have coffee with a friend
• Pursue a hobby
• Sign up for a course
• Go out for dinner
• Go away for a weekend

These ideas may seem simple, but they may be things you haven’t taken time to do for quite some time. Some take an hour, others require a longer commitment. Take time for yourself, one step at a time. The important thing is to refresh your body, renew your mind and take time for yourself and your partner.

Take Time For Romance

Children learn by example. By maintaining romance and affection in your relationship, you are giving your child the gift of a loving home and showing your children the importance of a caring relationship. Try to spend at least a few uninterrupted minutes together each day. Don’t wait until all of the children are in bed and all of the chores are done – since you’ll be too tired to really communicate.

Schedule a “date” each week and spend the time just enjoying each other’s company. It doesn’t matter what you do and it doesn’t have to cost a lot – go for a walk, ride a bike, take a course together or go for a coffee. Try to forget all about the household matters and just share. Spending time together builds a couple’s emotional collateral so that when times are tough or challenging, you can weather the difficulties together because of the trust and faith you have established.

Take Time For Friendships Too

Don’t neglect your friends because you are spending all of your time with your children, your household or your career. Friends are also important to our well-being. Friendships can also help refresh and renew our spirits and help us laugh. They can also provide a perspective and a kind of understanding that our partner and children cannot. So take time to share with friends.

Leaving Your Child

If you haven’t left your child(ren) with a babysitter too often, he/she/they might make a fuss. However, it is important that you help the child understand that you must go, but that you will be back soon. If your children are particularly hesitant to be left with a babysitter, start with a short outing (such as a walk or a coffee close by) and build towards leaving them for an entire evening.

Remember, being a parent takes a lot of energy and no one has an endless supply. You need to take care of yourself and of each other to ensure you have the strength, stamina and healthy outlook to rise to the very demanding role of parent. This means you need to be sure to nurture your own and your relationship’s health.

For more information or to arrange an appointment 

for confidential counselling, contact FGIworld,

your EAP/EFAP provider, (24 hours-a-day/7days-a-week) at:

1-800-268-5211 (English) 1-800-363-3872 (en français)

Discover the Purpose-Driven Life with Oprah and Pastor Rick Warren

"The best use of your life is to invest it in [something that] will outlast it. And that's what it means to live a purpose-driven life." – Pastor Rick Warren

Here are some great resourceful tips and wonderful ah-ha moments from the Oprah Lifeclass:
Oprah and Pastor Rick Warren: The Purpose Driven Life

These videos are made possible through the wonderful works of Oprah's Lifeclass.

Pastor Rick Warren on the 5 Things That Shape You

Pastor Rick Warren says there are five things that "SHAPE" a person: Spiritual gifts, Heart, Ability, Personality and Experiences. Find out why he believes God never wastes a hurt. Then, Pastor Warren shares his definition of humility with the Oprah's Lifeclass audience in Houston.

Why Pastor Rick Warren Says Surviving Isn't Thriving

Pastor Rick Warren believes everyone lives at one of three levels in life: Survival, Success and Significance. Only when you reach the highest level—Significance—are you living your life with purpose. Watch as Pastor Warren explains how America is filled with people who are just getting by at the Survival level. Plus, why Pastor Warren says the "good life" isn't good enough.

Pastor Rick Warren: What Drives You?

The title of Pastor Rick Warren's best-selling book The Purpose Driven Life was no accident. Find out why he says everyone's life is driven by something—and why if you live for the approval of others, you will die by their rejection.

Learn more and view more videos here: Oprah and Pastor Rick Warren: The Purpose Driven Life

What are your thoughts in watching these clips, did you gain any ah-ha moments yourself?

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Shortly after sharing the above post, I received a comment outside this post saying something along the line of:

Rick Warren is a "Christians are better than Muslims" , supporter of chic fil a's antigay hate mongering "traditionnal families" supporter. I dont think he's in any position to be listened to...but thats just my opinion.

Here is my feedback:

Thank you for questioning and commenting; I always love feedback and discussing various viewpoints! Yes there are various posts online claiming to having Rick Warren declare a bunch of stuff, whether they're true or not are none of my concerns.

What concerns me, what occupies my inner-connections, what speaks to me are the "ah-ha" moments I receive when listening to various people share their messages.

My grandmother shared with us some pretty amazing things and one of them was to always receive the message that is given to you when its the truth. You know its the truth when it speaks to you (your soul). You 'feel' the message. Everything else isn't for you and/or isn't really "your truth" for that moment.

Also when messages are being given these "messages" originate from somewhere... deep from within "you". Sometimes what comes out of our mouth is inspired from a place of greatness, we just feel those moments and allow them to consume us - those are moments of truth. You've accepted to being a vessel and allow whatever message that is felt, come out to be share with those around you. Other times when things randomly come out of our mouth where we end-up with that "taste awful"; these messages, too, come from a place deep-down within. These not-so-nice thoughts or things said are unresolved emotions: resentment, jealousy, judgement, whatever...Once we notice what we've said, that's when we get our 'ah-ha' moments, ourselves. (Sometimes we need to say them out loud so that we can realize that: 'wow did I just say that? Why would I think that way...?)

Everything we think, hear, and say are simply words - we put emotions and judgement on them based on how we 'decipher' (aka judge) the information. What we 'believe' to be wrong might not be to someone else, just as what we might 'believe' to be complete none-sense may turn out to be the next big thing!

Our life journey is a series of judgement calls (choices).

So going back to this Pastor's message... I got inspired by some of his messaging. And so will I reject what he said in-this-moment because of something that has past? If this message speaks to me, why shouldn't I choose to accept it and... move on?

Another story: I read a wonderful book called: "Excuse me your life is waiting" (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/69947.Excuse_Me_Your_Life_Is_Waiting) I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I LOVED it so much I've read it twice (so far).

Great message about life, about manifesting what you want, about changing your thoughts and changing your life.

After my first read of the book, I did a search online wanting to find out if she did conferences or even had other books or materials I could look into... blah-blah-blah long story short, she fell sick and I read online that she committed suicide (some say it was assisted). Whatever the case maybe - I was shocked! How could someone with such a great message and inspire so many, choose this path? Could I continue believe her 'story' or 'message'? I was thrown back for sometime...

This is when I picked-up the book again a few months later, and after reading it a second time - I just knew that the message it brings into the world is just that, "a message".

Messages of "truth" are meant for: the people, the world, the person in front of you, for yourself - these messages aren't necessarily from you, but for you. Sometimes we don't know we REALLY can do something unless we actually try to do it - that's when we find out that, "wow, I really can do this?!".

The same is said of messages - sometimes we don't know what lies deep-within us unless we allow it to come out, the good with the bad. These discoveries are where/how we uncover ourselves, and thus are presented with choices, self-questioning:
- Do I keep this belief?
- Where did I get that from? Do I really, truly believe that?
- Maybe this belief worked for me before, but does it work in my life now?
- Am I holding on to this belief for comfort? ...because of someone? ...why is this important to me?
- Why do I think that way, and could I maybe be missing out on a different viewpoint?
- Am I really allowing myself to see all angles or am I being narrow-minded; and why? What's stopping me from opening up? Am I afraid of something... and if I am, what is it?

The process of continued questioning is a great way to self-discovery.

When I hear (listen) to messages being shared 'not' everything gets registered in my mind - and if something strikes a cord with me, it doesn't necessarily mean it'll have the same impact on you. And even if we react to the same message, will its impact truly have the 'same meaning' for the both of us? Probably not, it could be similar - but it probably won't be 100% the-same.

Alright - I digress again... The pastor's message in this part of his life, on this day while he was with Oprah, living this "Lifeclass" ...this moment, I believe was a moment of truth.  What happened before and what happens after, is outside this moment, is outside this message.

On that note, I thank you again for your feedback! Your comment obviously struck a cord with me and unleashed a "message".  Thank you.

So now, I ask again -
What are your thoughts in watching these clips, did you gain any ah-ha moments yourself?